Me: Anita, (Dark) Angel, Lillith to AnaL

I decided to change my first name the day the aunt I was named after
looked derisively to me, then to my mother, and said,
"Why did you have to give her my name? I don't even like you or your children."

The decision to change my last name came about when
my father said he didn't believe I was his
and that he wouldn't adopt me.

(I assume he took a paternity test,
because the man known as my father
paid to have me adopted)

At seventeen, I left home for the seediest side of Dallas
Lookin' to get naked with strangers, make a little cash,
Rockin' out with everything but my vagina hanging out.

(And, even that may be seen, given the right situation
And so, for that adventure, I took on the moniker
Dark Angel, in that dark dark world)

When I finally came up for air from usin' and losin'
I found myself plus two children and back to me;
the girl in the toilet had hoped the woman I would be

Still suffering the noise of the name
that ran like nails over a chalkboard
I coursed through the options

Coming to the conclusion:
On some levels, I will always be the "Anita"
meant to honor family, but always falling short.

And, Angel... Well, those who have been touched by me
in my most basic form
know the truth of that name

But... it was always

                       Ana Lillith Bar

Who I was meant to be -
For it is this moniker that I resonate
from my furthest past and into the long seen future.